Then there were these guys and gals who said that life ought to be lived in a live-in arrangement. That was nine months back. They cannot stand each other’s sight now and are repetitively talking about ‘more focus’, ‘happy home’, ‘family’, ‘wife and kids’, ‘commitment’.
In certain cultures, marriage is referred to as a ‘1000 year old seed’. Man has evolved from an animalistic behaviour (forage, eat, sleep, drink, migrate, fight and fornicate) to a complex and organised society. This metamorphosis has taken place only due to the need for it. Constant experimentation and learning have helped in handpicking the various tools required by the inmates of society, for everyday survival. Marriage is society’s vehicle to ensure its own survival with the least of conflict among both genders.
Live-in relationships are a recent trend. What is on offer and what isn’t, are clearly demarcated in the initial stages of the oral pact itself, between two consenting adults. A celebration of the spirit ‘to do your own thing’. An opportunity to get up close (and away), without getting entangled.
Marriage is a logical conclusion when two individuals want to live with each other forever, through thick and thin. ‘I do’. Live-in relationships are entered into for carefully probing as to what is in store, if the marriage should eventually happen. There can be a willingness to tie the knot, but no after-wedding surprises, please!
Ideally, a marriage is supposed to last ‘til death do us apart’. Every couple on the wedding altar intends to have a long term mutual relationship. They resolve mentally to invest love, energy and time into it. There is a sense of willingness to shoulder responsibility, to ensure each other’s welfare. It feels reassuring to have your partner always by your side. Live-ins are characterised by their lack of intentions for anything permanent. They abhor long term contracts of any sort. ‘Boy oh boy, this is only for a month and you already sound like a cross she-cat.’ Except for sharing the living space, they mostly go their own ways. ‘You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours.’
Children born to legally wedded parents fare better on all counts i.e. economically, mentally and physically as they are given more care, affection, legal rights and the certainty of being with a parent in the event of divorce. Children are viewed as an accident, thrust upon the live-in parents. Unsure of their origins, these children do not have legal rights (if their parents separate) because their parents are not recognised as biological parents (due to the absence of a legalised marriage).
The security of a legal marriage gives social sanction to enjoy each other’s presence and is supported by the community, in moments of happiness or during stress. Live-ins, though becoming popular in the Western hemisphere, are usually frowned upon and viewed as an easy way out, rather than coping with the responsibility of marriage. Live-ins resemble one night stands when compared to the venerable marriage.
A live-in relationship defeats its very purpose, as it is a bad indicator of the other person’s suitability, to an ever dynamic world of relationships and events. It’s like using a household thermometer to check the temperature of molten volcanic lava! A marriage may start with the household thermometer, but there is a willingness to get hold of a thermal sensing satellite, to properly measure volcanic heat.
Okay, so much has been said in favour of marriage; yet, youngsters all over the world appear to have brazenly embraced live-in relationships. This is the age of hypersonic flight, fast cars, hurried intimacy and instant noodles. What can one expect, but an instant version of marriage! What has the fear of divorce got to do with live-ins, when they are not even contemplating marriage or commitments! They both like the outer cover and would like to taste the contents, without getting a stomach upset. So, sample a tiny pinch of the stuff. If it tastes yuck, then chuck it without any qualms (no stomach upset). If it is good, you can go the whole hog. That’s a sure winner for both.
Society ends up the loser. Two undecided persons wanting to just sample the real thing, give up too easily on the whole package, when they come across the first not-so-tasty morsel. When the live-in relationship produces an undesired additional botheration in the form of a child, the child is left to mentally fend for itself. Society slowly gets peopled with a whole lot of ‘samplers’ and ‘orphans’. No one cares for the other. Welcome to the animal kingdom!
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed <a href="http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk">divorce</a> see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk
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